Centerfold
by Anonymous Donor
Summary: Wufei finds something unpleasant in the middle...


Centerfold (Song by: J. Geils Band)  
  
By Anonymous Donor  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the song or the GW boys. I could only wish.  
  
Categories: Humor, OOCishness, a bit of fluff  
  
AD's note: Okay, I absolutely love this song and decided to torture one of the guys with it. Enjoy!  
  
Lyrics //thoughts//  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Come on!  
  
"Jeezus H. Christ on a flag pole, Howard! Hurry up! I gotta pee really bad!" Duo screamed as he pounded on the door. //Okay, no more green tea with Wufei early in the morning then coffee with Heero after!// "HOWARD!"  
  
Does she walk?  
  
"Hold your horses Duo! I'm almost done!" The sound of the toilet flushing was like music to Duo's ears as he jetted into the lavatory as quickly as possible. He ignored the stench and quickly relieved himself, sighing happily.  
  
Does she talk?  
  
As Duo flushed the toilet and turned to the sink, he saw an open magazine on the counter. His eyes grew wide at the two page spread in front of him. "Oh, boy… HEY, HEERO! You gotta come see this!" he yelled out to Heero.  
  
Does she come complete?  
  
Heero sighed in agitation as he got up from his laptop and went to the bathroom where Duo was calling him. "What do you wa- DUO! I told you, I don't care about your pornography!" he bellowed. Duo shoved the magazine at him.  
  
"Just look! I'm serious this time!" Heero rolled his eyes, but looked. He blinked. He looked again. He blinked some more.  
  
My homeroom homeroom angel always pulled me from my seat  
  
"That's not who I think it is… is it?" Heero managed to squeak. Duo nodded vigorously.  
  
"Yup. Playboy's 'Babes of War' edition."  
  
She was pure like snowflakes, no one could ever stain  
  
Heero shook his head, suddenly transfixed with the image in front of himself. "I can't believe that she'd stoop to this!" Duo was also staring at it, but not just out of shock now. He was grinning like mad.  
  
The memory of my angel could never cause me pain  
  
"She's still pretty hot, Heero. Wufei would shit bricks if he saw this!" Duo said, chuckling. He hadn't noticed the Chinese boy come in behind them.  
  
Years go by, I'm looking through a girlie magazine  
  
"What would make me, as you so eloquently put it, shit bricks, Maxwell?" Duo turned to Wufei, eyes wide, hiding the magazine behind his back.  
  
"Uh… You… uh… Wouldn't want to know…" he stammered. Wufei glared at him, then snatched the magazine, studying the pages.  
  
And there's my homeroom angel on the pages in between  
  
His eyes narrowed. His jaws locked. His eyes flashed with angry fire, but he kept a cool façade, tearing the pages his dear, sweet doctor was on, totaling six in all. He tossed the magazine back at Duo's feet and left to his gundam.  
  
My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold  
  
My angel is the centerfold  
  
Angel is the centerfold  
  
He carefully laid all the pictures out across the console, glaring daggers. In his mind, this was his woman. Why should all those men get to see her like this? It was injustice.  
  
My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold  
  
My angel is the centerfold  
  
Angel is the centerfold  
  
It wasn't right. He believed only he should have the privilege of seeing Sally like this. These… positions were not right to have all men see. His anger rose.  
  
Slipped me notes, under the desk  
  
While I was thinking about her dress  
  
Of course, he'd never actually seen her without her clothes, those ever so restricting military uniforms. But he'd wondered. He was a guy, of course he wondered.  
  
I was shy, I turned away, before she caught my eye  
  
But he didn't think it right. That and he was just plain shy and would probably get a nosebleed if she was like that in front of him in person. He mentally kicked himself for that.  
  
I was shakin' in my shoes whenever she flashed those baby blues  
  
Something had a hold on me when Angel passed close by  
  
Wufei sighed. He could never look her in the eyes. He always felt like he would pass out, but something about her still captivated him. Why else had he saved her?  
  
Those soft fuzzy sweaters, too magical to touch  
  
He couldn't even bring himself to lay a hand on her shoulder. //Weakling…// He sighed again.  
  
To see her in that negligee is really just too much  
  
It was too much for him to handle seeing her like that. It was almost like a sensory overload. //And to think so many more men are getting an overload on this…// He growled at the thought. //Damn it, Sally…//  
  
My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold  
  
My angel is the centerfold  
  
Angel is the centerfold  
  
With a slight sound of aggravation, Wufei grabbed the pages up in a single handful and shoved them under the seat of his Gundam, stuffing just one into the waist band of his pants. //I need an explanation…//  
  
My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold  
  
My angel is the centerfold  
  
Angel is the centerfold  
  
He jumped into a jeep and took off to where he knew Sally would be. He stalked quietly into the warehouse. "Sally…" he growled menacingly.  
  
Now listen:  
  
He held the picture of her in a rather obscene pose in front of her face. "Why?" was the only thing he could ask. She blushed.  
  
"Well, Wufei, being a rebel doesn't make you too much money. Besides, I never thought you'd look in a porno!" she retorted. Wufei mumbled.  
  
"Maxwell and Yuy were the ones drooling over the porn. I happened to walk by…" He sighed.  
  
  
  
It's okay, I understand  
  
This ain't no never-never land  
  
He shook his head. "I realize nothing's perfect in life, but this…" He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself.  
  
I hope that when this issues gone  
  
I'll see you when your clothes are on  
  
"…I just hope I won't have to find Maxwell ogling another picture like this…" Sally smiled slightly.  
  
"Aw, Wufei… You don't have to worry about him."  
  
Take your car, yes we will,  
  
We'll take your car and drive it  
  
Sally grinned deviously at him. "Let's go for a ride," she said, pulling him back to the jeep and taking over the drivers side, taking off to the nearby city.  
  
Take it to a motel room and take 'em off in private  
  
Wufei blinked as he was pulled into a motel room. "Sally…"  
  
**Censored to keep this PG-13**  
  
A part of me has just been ripped  
  
The pages from my mind are stripped  
  
Wufei sighed as he sat up, not even really thinking about the Playboy anymore. But as he looked over at Sally, he remembered, and got up, redressing and heading out the door.  
  
Oh no I can't deny it  
  
Oh yeah, I guess I got to buy it  
  
"Um, Mr… That's our full stock of that magazine." Wufei glared.  
  
"I know. Ring it up." The clerk nodded and checked Wufei through. Wufei snatched the magazines and walked out.  
  
My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold  
  
My angel is the centerfold  
  
Angel is the centerfold  
  
Back in the confines of his Nataku, he tentively ripped out the six pages from each of the magazines, stuffing them under the seat and tossing the rest outside to the ground.  
  
My blood runs cold, my memory has just been sold  
  
My angel is the centerfold  
  
Angel is the centerfold  
  
Wufei smiled lightly as he ripped out the last picture. //Now you're mine…// He sudden frowned and blinked. "Oh, shit…" //What about the colonies?//  
  
Nah nah nah nah nah nah  
  
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah  
  
Alright!  
  
Alright!  
  
1,2,3,4  
  
Nah nah...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
AD's note: Heh heh… Poor Wufei… R&R, please. It's not very good, but it was fun to torture Wufei. 


End file.
